What are your thoughts telling you?

Are you aware of the thoughts you tell yourself during the day?  If not, let’s do an experiment.  For the next couple of days, focus on the thoughts you have.  Take notice of them.  If they are neutral (“I need to stay home right now so I and others don’t get sick”) or positive (“I am thankful the teacher is available to answer questions about e-learning “), that is great! Keep going with them!

If, however, you find yourself like many others and notice your thoughts are negative (“I will never figure out this tech stuff “; “I will never get that promotion”; or “I screw everything up”) then let’s work on improving those thoughts.  Why?  Because our thoughts become our reality.

I get it.  Stress is high.  Tensions are high.  Outlets are limited and length of time is unknown.  Which is precisely why now is an important time to be aware of the thoughts we are telling ourselves.  

Did you ever see the movie, “Pretty Woman”?  Julia Roberts’ character, Vivienne said “People put you down enough, you start to believe it”....”the bad stuff is easier to believe.  You ever notice that?”  

You don’t notice it at first but if you hear it enough, you take it on as your own belief and you believe it.  It works the same with our own thoughts.  If you tell yourself enough that you are worthless and a failure, you will eventually believe it.

The good thing is, we can change our thinking and our beliefs.  It doesn’t happen overnight and there isn’t a quick way to do so, but it is possible.

1. Check the data. Where does this thought come from?  Did someone tell you this?  Who was it?  Are they a healthy individual or toxic? (Hint: a healthy person wouldn’t tell you this unless maybe if they were in a super bad mood and lost it for a minute and then it’s mood related and not fact related)

Why are you believing it’s true?  For example, what makes you think you are worthless or a failure?  List them on paper.  Then, also list why you aren’t worthless or a failure.  

If this example hits home with you, then let me share one of my favorite Michael Jordan quotes:

“I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

2. What do you get out of believing the negative thoughts?  Odd question, I know but let’s think about it.  Are we just having a bad moment or are we using it to fuel something deeper in us?  If we choose to believe the negatives and not do anything to counter them, then is it to stay stuck? It can be scary to leave our comfort zone.  Does it help us to feel better for not having goals, meeting our goals, or not getting our dream job?  If we believe something is inherently wrong with us (i.e. worthless and a failure) then we can’t be expected to succeed.  

3. Challenge the thoughts.  Here are 5 ways to challenge the thoughts:

(1) I know this is not true because .... and then list reasons why you know not true 

(2) Journal it out.  Put all the negatives swimming in your head down on paper.  Then, take a different color pen and counter (rewrite) those negatives.  

(3) Have a list of positive affirmations on your phone or post-it notes nearby that you can read when the negatives come creeping in.  Reading your positive affirmations regularly on a daily basis is recommended.  Let’s change up the negatives!  If we tell ourselves the positives repeatedly, we will begin to believe them

(4) Every night before you go to bed, finish the statement “I am ___________”.  This way the last things you read/tell yourself at the end of the day will be positive (for example, I am worthy, I am enough, I am loveable, I am smart, etc). Keep a journal of your “I am” statements and write anywhere from 1-10 nightly)

(5) Work with a coach on the negative thoughts you tell yourself.  This is something I do in my coaching practice.  Why? It helps with your accountability to do the work and provides you with someone who is invested in you changing your thought process.  These negative thoughts will impact you in your relationships, your goals, and where you want your life to take you.  We work on the areas of importance to you.  Schedule a complimentary call at www.calendly.com/denisestyer to discuss how we can work together.

Just because we have negative thoughts - or someone said these negative things to us - does not make them true. We do not need to have them limit our lives.