What Should We Be Feeling?
This evening I made myself comfortable in my favorite chair to watch Brené Brown on 60 Minutes. Rightly so, the show began with the focus on our “new normal”, Covid-19. I tend to stay up-to-date on current events and have a news show I watch nightly during the week. I do admit, though, that I have been limiting the amount of news I am watching. Too much of it is not good for me.
60 Minutes spoke with doctors on the front line in New York City discussing what they are seeing. As I watched the show, my heart hurt and I teared up listening to the doctors talking about FaceTiming patients with loved ones to say goodbye before they were intubated – not knowing if they’d see them again. As the tears were streaming down my face, all I could think about was the amount of grief that we as a Country, and with the rest of the World are/will be experiencing. Are we prepared for it? Probably not.
Here in the United States, we are not that good with grief. Most employers give 2 or 3 days off for grieving and who this time can be used for is very limited. Many cultures have elaborate ceremonies for celebrating life, and expressing grief. Many individuals do not. Now more than ever, we have people grieving alone.
Yet, grief is not only about remembering those who have passed on. Grief includes our own disappointments, shortcomings, and disillusions. Even if you are physically and mentally healthy right now, you may be experiencing grief – loss of work, working from home, helping your children with their schooling, not finishing out the school year, seniors in both high school and college not celebrating their graduations, having our daily routines capsized, fear over the status of our loved ones who are first responders and/or considered “essential” and not able to stay home. Do know that whatever you are grieving, it is okay.
Grief has 5 stages that, unfortunately, are not linear or time based. The 5 stages are:
1. Denial is when you struggle with the belief that something has occurred. It allows you to let in only as much as you can handle.
2. Anger is part of the healing process. Feel your anger. Allow it to be released in a way that is healthy and hopefully not at others.
3. Bargaining is when you plead to let it be you; you are willing to do abc if only xyz doesn’t happen; or when you pray that when you wake up, it will have been just a bad dream. Bargaining is a way of coming to terms with what has happened.
4. Depression (not associated with clinical depression) happens when the depth and realization that what has happened has really happened. It’s when you feel the loss.
5. Acceptance is when you recognize this is how things now are – your new reality. It doesn’t mean you are okay with what has happened, but that you understand it.
Some people are feeling grief right now by being home alone. Others with wondering how they will pay their bills. Some are finding that by sitting still and not being active, unhealed traumas are hitting them hard. Many of us are feeling like things are out of our control – and much of it is.
Regardless of what you are feeling – do know that it is okay. There are no rules for how to feel. We have never experienced anything like this before. You might be irritated one minute, followed by laughter and then tears. It is okay.
The one thing I do want to emphasize is to feel. Feel your feelings now in the moment. It is important to do so. If you choose to distract or avoid your feelings now, they will catch up to you later! No, it isn’t always pleasant, but we have the time now so let’s practice being present and in the moment. Doing so now will save us from the work later!
I have opened my calendar if you wish to reach out and want to check in. I realize this is unchartered waters for us – some of us are social distancing alone; feelings may be foreign; and/or we just need someone to touch base. Click here to schedule a complimentary call. You don’t have to do this alone!
If you would like to take this time to work on your goals, stop sabotaging your progress, and/or work on your personal/ professional development, I do have 1-month, 3-month, or 6-month individual coaching packages. I use Zoom for our sessions so we can practice our physical social distancing.
Above all else, please take care of you.
Denise