The Myth About "Adult Milestones" And Why You Aren't Behind!
Can you believe it is already December? I know I say that every year, but this year has really flown by! I've been quiet here as I've been working on some behind the scenes projects - more about that later.
I am always amazed at how the topics of discussions I have with my clients seem to have weekly themes - all unsolicited by myself! The theme I have been hearing a lot about these past few weeks are “Adult Milestones."
The discussions I have been having around Adult Milestones are feeling behind, not where one believes they “should” be (that word “should” creates more stress for us!), that biological clock ticking, not doing things the “right” away (another phrase that causes us some trouble!), and a lot of comparing where we are at with what others are showing us on social media.
All very valid concerns.
The thing is though, after we graduate from high school, there aren't any real “Adult Milestones” that we are “supposed to” meet.
When I think of a milestone, I immediately think of a baby beginning to walk around month 12 and being potty trained before they go to school. Adulthood doesn't have any of those.
Yes, we have developmental categories - young adulthood, middle adulthood, older adulthood. But those are just stages of our life.
If you don't go to college until age 30 - that is okay. If you don't go to college, that is also okay.
If you don't get married until 35 - that is okay. If you choose to not get married, that is also okay.
If you end your marriage and get divorced, that is okay.
If you have your first child at 40 - that is okay. Or, if you choose to not have children, that is also okay.
In adulthood we get to choose to live our lives the way we wish; with what is in congruence for ourselves. When we begin to feel that lacking, not doing enough, being behind, that is when we are comparing our choices with what are current societal expectations. Just because society says you should finish college by age 22, date someone for a year, get engaged and married in your 20s and have kids before your 30s or in your early 30s does not mean it is a milestone that you have to meet. Completing your college education is not anywhere in the same category of beginning to walk by 12 months old!
Now, I'm not saying societal pressures are easy to disregard - especially in this world of social media. (Remember, people are showing their best sides, best looks, and best experiences on social media and you are comparing their posts to your bloopers, insecurities, and perceived shortcomings.) It can be real easy to feel left out if you aren't in a relationship and your friends are all getting married, or you are a beginning entrepreneur and your cousin in on track for the C-Suite. It also doesn't help when family and friends are constantly asking what are you doing with your life and why you aren't doing things as they have done.
This is why personal development is helpful and important to do. So you can learn to be okay with who you are, your own growth path, and making choices best for you.
Take a deep breath - inhale through your nose. Hold. Long exhale through your mouth. Repeat 2 or 3 times. Shake your shoulders and let out a sigh of relief.
You are not behind.
You are right on track.
What is meant for you will not pass you by.
If you find that you are still stuck on the concept of being behind, not being good enough, lacking what you “should” be doing, schedule a 20 minute call with me and let's explore the steps that you can take shift your mindset and beliefs. The link to do so is https://bit.ly/DeniseIntroCall