Can you see right through me?
The first time I heard Taylor Swift’s song “The Archer”, I immediately listened to it again. Now, I do not even try to interpret the meaning of Taylor Swift’s songs, however, the section
‘Cause they see right through me
They see right through me
They see right through
Can you see right through me?
They see right through
They see right through me
I see right through me
I see right through me
stood out to me. I immediately thought of all the women I have worked with who questioned their own value; their self-worth and believed they were a fraud. I do not know a woman who hasn’t thought that way at some point, including myself.
Growth and change can be difficult, exhilarating, and fearful. I know most people do not enjoy the process of change. However, I know many who liked it once they reached the other side and accomplished what it was, they set out to do.
We want to stay safe and comfortable. Change is stepping out of our comfort zone. The feeling of being a fraud, an imposter, and not good enough comes from when we are doing something different, stepping out of our comfort zone, and making changes. Negative messages we have heard seem to become amplified in our thoughts. It may seem like they are on a repeat loop, “not good enough”, “who do you think you are”, “they know you don’t know what you are doing”…the list can go on and on.
The good news is that those thoughts are not true. Maybe they once were, but we continue to evolve and grow. We learn new things and add skillsets to our repertoire. We look at social media and think everyone else has the answers and have their acts together – they don’t! Everyone is trying to figure out this thing called life to the best of their abilities. What works for you, may not work for me. We are all on our own paths and the only competition is in improving ourselves, not against each other.
Next time those niggling, negative and degrading thoughts begin to take up space in your head, try these 5 steps:
Take a deep breath. Hold for a count to 5 and slowly exhale. Repeat 5-10 times. Why? This works on our parasympathetic nervous system. It relaxes our body. By relaxing, we loosen up and are not tense. When we get anxious, we tend to tense up which is not helpful.
Be nice to you. Self-compassion goes a long way. It can also be lacking when we are in negative mindset and feel less than. Do something to help shift your mood. Have an upbeat playlist that you can listen to. Music has the power to help us shift our moods – even listening to just one song. Have a quick dance party and get your endorphins moving. Or, go outside and reconnect with nature.
Challenge those distorted negative thoughts. Writing them is helpful and allows you to review. For example, “I am a fraud” can be changed to “I am learning and doing my best”
Incorporate a practice of gratitude. Expressing our gratitude helps us recognize what we have to be thankful for. Some like to do so in the morning as a way to begin their day. Others, like myself, prefer to do so at night to reflect on the day. In your notebook/journal, list 5 things for which you are grateful. There is always something to be grateful about, even if you had a crummy day. “Getting through the day” can sum it up.
At the end of the day, before you go to sleep, complete the statement, “I am__________” whether it is “I am worthy”, “I am valuable”, “I am open to learning”, etc. Doing so helps rewire your thoughts. It is the last thing you tell yourself before you drift off to sleep. Please note, your “I am” statements should be positive focused! Doing so if giving your mind a gift before you go to sleep.
Give these steps a try and see how doing so can help you to begin changing your negative thoughts and believing in you. Keep in mind that this isn’t a quick fix and will take time. Consistency is key. You did not acquire the negative thoughts overnight and it will take some time to make this shift.
If you would like to learn more, schedule a complimentary discovery call at www.calendly.com/denisestyer. I look forward to connecting!