Beginning Your Next Chapter

Moving on and letting go


My son graduated from college this past weekend.  While I am very proud of him, it also got me thinking ~ time to end another chapter and begin the next one


Are you at the point where it is time to end a chapter?  Are you hanging on and keeping a chapter open longer than need be due to fear of letting go? Moving on? 


It can be scary to let go and move on.  Yet, isn’t it necessary for growth?  Oftentimes when we become comfortable, that is our sign that change is needed if we want to keep moving forward; if we want to keep experiencing life; if we want continued improvement in our life.


While my son may still need me from time to time, a big chapter has closed.  I am now able to spend more time and focus on myself and the continued development of my business.  Exciting? Yes!  A little scary?  You bet!  As those nigglings of doubt may begin to creep in, it’s time for the reminder of “just do it”, instead of “overthink and freeze”.


What chapter are you looking at closing?  Which chapter is the next for you to move forward and begin?  Is this a bewildering time for you?  Do you know how to proceed?  It can sometimes be easy to get lost in the overwhelm.  You do not have to do this alone.  Let’s connect.  I can be reached at denisestyer@comcast.net or schedule a call with me to discuss further at www.calendly.com/denisestyer. I look forward to connecting with you. Have a great week!

Denise


I Wanna Rock ~ And Have Some Fun!

Yesterday I went to see the musical, “Rock of Ages”.  I absolutely loved it! It was funny and the music was great.  I’m not surprised I enjoyed it since I’ve re-watched the movie many times (I know it is cheesy, but I love it!), but you never know how a book, or a movie, will translate to the live stage.  I graduated from high school in 1984.  “Rock of Ages” was for me a nostalgic trip back to once-upon-a-time.  While it was fun to visit for a couple of hours, it was great to return to 2019.

 What does my seeing “Rock of Ages” have to do with empowerment or leadership?  It is a reminder to make time for fun and laughter. Fun allows us to take a break from our to-do lists, deadlines, and all the things we think we “should” do.  Laughing gets the dopamine in our brains to transmit and allows us to feel good, thus improving our mood.  When we take the time to have fun, we tend to be more focused and productive afterwards.

 We are never too busy to have fun.  If we are, then it is even more important to set aside the time.  Review your calendar.  Do you have “fun” scheduled in it?  If so, how often? Would it help to add in some more?  If not, why not? 

 I love color coding my calendars.  This way I can review my calendar at a glance and see how my time is being spent. 

 Be sure to get some fun scheduled this week! 

Denise

 P.S. Do you find that you are more focused on your tasks, deadlines, and to-do’s?  Connect with me if you could use some help working on balancing your schedule.  I can be reached at denisestyer@comcast.net or schedule a call with me at www.calendly.com/denisestyer.  I look forward to connecting with you!

Chasing Our Dreams ~ Let's Make Them Our Reality

Do you remember the big dreams you had as a child? As a teenager? In your 20s? Maybe even your 30s, 40s, or 50s?

 Did you follow your dreams and make them a reality? Or did you take on the doubt that was voiced to you and chose the safe path; the expected path; the responsible path?

 Did you wake up one day and ask yourself how in the hell you ended up here? Feeling like you’ve forgotten who you were? Wondering who you currently are? Realizing you aren’t necessarily happy or fulfilled?

 Or, have you experienced that when you have worked towards your goals, those closest, nearest, and dearest seem to talk you out of it? Or tell you all that go could wrong? Or maybe even tell you that you are being irresponsible for wanting to make your dreams a reality and that you should just be responsible and get a “real job”?

 You feel shamed and guilty for thinking and wanting something for yourself.  You begin to doubt your capabilities and go back to the safe way of living all the while your misery increases.  You feel like the joy and passion have been sucked out of you and you just go through the motions.  Whenever you see someone who broke out of the traditional “get a job”, you feel envious, wistful and tell yourself all the reasons why it couldn’t work for you.

 But, wait.  Take a deep breath.

Those family members and friends are not necessarily being meanspirited.  Believe it or not, they are trying to keep you safe.  “Safe” for many is working a 9-5 job for someone else, a boss.  Many of us though are meant to do other things and if our loved ones haven’t lived the non 9 to 5 kind of job, they may be wary and concerned for you.

What is it you want to do? What is your passion?  What would bring you joy?  Why can’t you do it?  The top two reasons are (1) money and (2) time.  Let me challenge those thoughts – think about how much time and money are wasted doing something you do not wish to be doing; do not have a passion for; and feel like a concrete brick tied to your ankle constantly bringing you down.  Not only are you and your health impacted by not living a life you were meant to live, your relationships are greatly impacted – or you do not even have the energy to engage in your relationships which mean they suffer even more.

Making time for you, your happiness, and your passion does not make you selfish.  It can help you feel better, take better care of yourself and others, and overall experience a higher quality of living.

Need help doing so? Let’s connect and we can come up with a plan; set goals for the week, month, and beyond; and keep you accountable, especially when the doubts start creeping in.  That saying is correct, “life is not a dress rehearsal”.  Let’s work on making this one count.  Let’s have you live your life.

 Who’s in?  I can be reached by email at denisestyer@comcast.net or schedule a call with me for us to discuss further at www.calendly.com/denisestyer.  I look forward to helping you to live your life.

Denise

 

Tackling Our Limiting Beliefs

Are you aware of your limiting beliefs? Do you know what a limiting belief is? Do you know what prevents you from moving forward and being your best?  Is it that tiny voice in your head yelling that you don't belong? You don't fit in? You'll never succeed?

 

 What do you do with these thoughts? How do you manage them?  How do you put them aside so you can move forward and live the life you dream of? Aspire to? Yearn for instead of watching from the sidelines?

 

Limiting beliefs are self doubt.  They are our insecurities; negative things people have said that you held onto; and the fear that they are true.

 

The good news is that it is possible to overcome limiting beliefs. With some self exploration and practice, you can do so.  As with any other goal, it requires some work but what successes and achievements have you had that didn't require work?

 

Here are five steps that with practice, persistence, and patience you, too, can overcome your limiting beliefs:

 

1.    Identify your limiting beliefs.  In order to challenge, counter, and overcome limiting beliefs, it is necessary to know what they are.  The best way to do this is to write them down.  How do you know when you are encountering limiting beliefs?  Think back to a moment when you had a negative self-doubting thought.  That would be a limiting belief.  An example might be working on a presentation to the Board of Directors.  As you are working on this presentation, you have the nagging thoughts of “I’m not good at selling ideas to others”, your high school creative writing teacher’s comment that “you are unable to creatively express yourself”, or you hear your parents’ voice saying “you are from a blue collar family, what do you know about meetings with executives?”  These would be examples of limiting beliefs.

 

2.    Look for the facts.  Once you have written down your negative self-doubts, the next step is to determine the factual content, if any, of these statements.  Using a statement from above: “not good at selling”, if you wrote down “not able to meet quota for Girl Scout cookie sales in 6th grade”; a one-time incident back in elementary school does not constitute a fact relating to adult life.

If you can think of any evidence that might support this thought, write it down next to the statement.  You may not be able to come up with any which is a good indicator that this is a limiting belief.

 

3.    Challenge your limiting beliefs.  Some individuals find this step to be difficult since it is countering a thought/belief you might have had for quite some time. 

 

I’m not good at selling ideas to others”. Just because I didn’t make quota with Girl Scout cookie sales does not mean I do not know how to put together a presentation supporting an idea.

 

“You are unable to creatively express yourself”.  In college I had a poem published in the university’s creative essays.

 

“You are from a blue collar family, what do you know about meetings with executives”.  Yes, I came from a hardworking blue collar family, but I went to college, studied hard, and have the knowledge and skills to give a presentation to executives because I am an executive.

 

4.    Replace the self-doubting thoughts. Now that you have identified and challenged your limiting beliefs, it is time to work on replacing them.  What new thoughts can you focus on that are factually based and not self limiting?  Again, write them down.  Examples might be:

 

*I have given successful presentations.  I can do this.

 

*I am creative. I can express myself. I can do this

 

*I am educated. I am skilled. I am trained. I come from a hardworking family.  I, too, am hardworking.

 

5.    Practice, practice, practice.  Whenever we learn new skills, tasks, or habits, we need to practice.  Nothing magically comes to us overnight.  Keep your new positive statements nearby.  For some individuals, having them written in a notebook kept in their purse or desk can be helpful and easy to review when doubt begins to creep in.  For others, using post-it notes around a mirror at home can be beneficial.  Or, another helpful way to incorporate these new thoughts is to say them in the morning before you get out of bed and/or at the end of the day before going to sleep.

Yes, limiting beliefs are real and can prevent you from moving forward.  However, with the five steps above, you can counter them, change your thinking, and move forward.  Soon you will be accomplishing your goals and succeeding.  All the best to you!

 

Denise M. Styer, PsyD, GLCC

October 27, 2016